Becoming a Safe Harbor
A harbor built on a grudge is no safe harbor for anyone.
This morning during my prayer and reflection time, I had a critical realization. I have been holding a grudge. It never occurred to me but in my adult life, I have become accustomed to people apologizing without meaning it. My heart has been conditioned to believe that they really don’t mean what they say.
I feel especially vulnerable around a certain person and have been praying for God to change my perspective. Not only does this person make me feel like I need to protect myself but there is also zero trust to circumstances when this person is involved. I had to admit to myself that my heart does not feel safe when they are around.
During my quiet time, I prayed about this and over them. It was then I realized that my issues had very little to do with them or their actions. Actually, it isn’t rooted in anything they did or said. It is how another person has behaved where they are concerned. My heart has been holding a grudge, and it wasn’t about this person at all. Wow!
At the end of the day, harboring a grudge, even if unknowingly, is harboring unforgiveness. OUCH! The Lord revealed this to me by His refining fire and in researching behaviors and patterns.
If we are living delivered and healed, we have to submit all of our scars to the Lord. All. Of. Them! We are not being made in His image if we are hanging onto past offenses. Holding onto old hurts molds us in their image not His.
God also showed me that beneath the surface of my guarded heart is a learned behavior. My experience has taught me that people don’t really mean it when they apologize. My experience says that they will do it again and again because that is who they are. But truly, that is how one person in my past was, not everyone. One person showed me that apologies mean nuthin’! Apologies are just words especially if true change hasn’t occurred.
In order to guard against my own patterns in behavior, I must base my expectations about others upon them and them alone. I cannot emotionally afford to expect everyone to behave with the same lack of sincerity as the person who hurt me. Communication is key and begins with the Lord and it begins with me! Communication with the Lord paves the expectations of all subsequent conversations for my entire day.
Today, I will challenge myself to make the proper changes. I will ask the right questions the next time someone else apologizes to me. Someone who truly loves me will take the time to help me believe them and move forward together. After all, a harbor built on a grudge is no safe harbor for anyone.
Refine me Jesus, and when you are done, refine me again.
In His Love, Rachele