Peter Peter Peter

Who signs up to be like Peter?

Somehow I find myself relating to Peter. I don’t know how I got here today, but here I am. As I looked over the last decade and a half I noticed something, a lack of something that is. I was hiding like Adam and Eve because of shame. Not necessarily because of a poor action, although there were plenty, but because of how the actions of others made me feel. I hid. I hid from church. I hid from my calling. I hid from my own thoughts. I hid; I hid from God.

I followed Peter. What? What does this even mean? I was not ashamed. Or was I? I was embarrassed that other children of God could be so hateful and hurtful. I was shocked that when I needed friends the most, I could not find any that were in the house of God. I am not talking about my family and the exception of a couple of lifelong people, but those I had served with were nowhere to be found. Or were they? I felt like they were all recruited to aid and abed the vile things being said about me. I was terrified to trust anyone. People who knew things all the sudden acted as if they never heard them. So, I ran. Like Peter when faced with knowing Jesus, I hid my face in shame.

I don’t recall ever denying that I knew Jesus, but I am reminded of the first verse I ever memorized as an adult. And yes, it still stings me occasionally to this day…. James 4:17, “He that knows the good he should do and doesn’t do it, to him it is sin.” So, the absence of acknowledgement is a denial by this standard. Am I right?

Like Peter, once faced with the truth of who Jesus is, I accepted. I was 5! I was saved! I knew Jesus in my heart. But life… Life did not take me to church regularly. My life lessons after age 11 were mostly from a dad who was gone before sunrise and home well after dark. I raised myself as my husband says. I guess I truly did. This explains a lot, but I digress. I had Jesus from the tender age of 5 and another 15 years without knowing what to do with Him. I spoke to Him regularly. Prayer was not a concept I was taught, but those conversations albeit casual were prayers.

Jumping to age 18, I moved myself to east Texas to live with my aunt and uncle. Life had taken an interesting twist, because I went from being an only child to a stepsister to 9 others! My heart and mind could not take it. My whole self was still mourning my mom who died when I was 11. Life was not easy and I was raising myself. I left.

Looking back from today, I met Jesus 48 years ago. 48! The path has not always been smooth. Today during my quiet time, the Lord impressed upon me how I have related to Peter. Have a I ever drawn a sword and cut off someone’s ear? No, but would I? Probably. Have I denied Jesus before others? Not in those words but in the absence of them, yes. Have I hidden myself in shame and fear like Peter? Absolutely! Am I being asked to take a step forward in faith without knowing all the details like Peter? Yes. I don’t know what the Lord intends to build through me. The more mature I become, I have lost all ability to be certain of anything. This is a marvelously beautiful thing too. Certainty often sounds like arrogance. If you don’t believe me, talk to someone about 20 years younger today and you will see.

Like Peter, the Lord has humbled me. Like Peter, I hid and became silent when confronted. Like Peter, I would probably cut someone for you, for others, for Jesus. Some of you don’t see this side of me but just ask my husband. I am not necessarily gleaming with pride over that but it is funny. Like Peter, I feel a change coming, it might not be my name; however, things did begin to change with my new last name in 2021! But I am definitely facing a role change.

Like Peter, I had to be broken from the inside out in order that I might proclaim the gospel and tell you all of the good news of Jesus Christ. Like Peter, I had to have my faith shaken to make sure it was solid as a rock. Like Peter, I had a resurrection in my soul upon realizing that Jesus wants more. Jesus wants all.of.me. He always has. Life had its lessons then and more will come but in the end, I am good with being like Peter. If he is the earthly example I am to follow, I will. No one signs up to relate to Peter. No one signs up to be a denier of Christ. But we all signed up to die to self and be made new in the renewing of our minds. We all signed up in faith to be a new creation. New creatures don’t do old things. New creatures rest differently. New creatures bring the name of Jesus with them everywhere. New creatures display His glory. I am a new creation, and I continue to be made new daily with the renewing of my mind in Christ Jesus.

In His love, Rachele